first full day in india

Alright, so somehow or other I have ended up in Darjeeling yet one more time... I assume if you are reading this then you know me and you know why.. if not... well tough luck. I'm not too sure why you'd be reading this either way.

So... I ate a great porridge and banana breakfast at Sonam's to start off the day and then I spent most of it either wandering around doing Xmas shooping for the folks in KPG tomorrow when I go there, or in the bedroom at Andy's guest house reading filmmaker's books and how to make a documentary books, and trying to brainstorm ideas. I got so screwed in Bangkok cuz s bunch of my stuff got drenched and I lost tons of phone numbers and things I needed.. even my family's so it'll be a crazy ass surprise!

I am so effing lost as to why I am here right now. And I totally understand the whole concept of nostalgia more than I ever have. It makes me really dread old age when everything and anything I see is just gonna send memories through my head I can never relive. I sat in Sonam's kitchen and talked to her about her cats and envisioned being surrounded by Nisha, Mark, Michelle and Tenders... and it happened pretty much all day... I passed by some dude with a tattoo, I went to Joey's puba nd though of wrinkles and giggled to myself, I see laamaas and I think of Andy, I saw a guy getting his head shaved... I could really go on forever...
I was so happy this morning when I woke up to emails from Molly and Nisha and other people, and I hope I'll get more along the way, but I know people are busy.

I am making sure I take as many pictures as possible. My video camera has a memory card for stills and though it only holds 45 pics I plan on emptying it out when it gets full... we'll see how dutiful I am on that.

I am in a wierd state where I want to go out and do things but I don't want to leave my bed. It is so wierd. I am really glad i didn't get the Watson.. traveling alone is so effing HARD. I am enjoying some of it but wish so many times I had someone to tell stuff to, someone to laugh and have fun with. I have not been completely lonely talking to the locals who still remember me, and meeting some random tourist folk, and it will be really different when I am in Kalimpong with the family, but right now I am just trying to ground myself and get up.

I think the best thing to do is probably to suck it up and bottle it all and let all the feelings happen on the plane ride back when I don't actually have to be productive any more.

I told myself I wouldn't bring my Ipod but the thought of 3 days on planes without it scared me too much, and I am really glad I did. This experience is very different from the program, where seeking comfort then with home stuff was utterly unneccessary because I had great people around me for support and I was there to support them, now all I have is my fmailiar music for company...

On a positive note I am getting alot done, I am being the most prodcutive I have ever been.

it is freezing adn I am already sick, I think I ate something sketchy, but who knows. I am ill prepared, and tired. But I am really excited. I know it will all turn out to be amazing, but today is the first day and the hardest day probably.

I am off to have dinner and then do a little more shopping and then I wil either work until I go to sleep or go to the Buzz where there is live music. Darjeeling is FULL of christmas celebrations and Wierd Jesus/Xmas pop 80's versions of Xmas carrols and the like. THeres santa and snowmen and a wierd HUGE bulb version of xmas lights... i guess since there are xmas lights used for so much else it had to be something different.

OK. I'll report back tomorrow after the fated day in KPG.