Faith... pt 1.

My faith is a fragile, slowly growing, developing thing. Christianity to me is not and will never be THE ONE true religion. I am open to almost everything and everyone in the world... but
among the few things I believe in with a deep faith is a variety of paths to God.

Christianity is, though, the one I am most comfortable in and feel the most challenged by to struggle to be a better person. Hence where I am.

Hiram Samuel, beyond being a great person in many other ways, is a daily example to me of a strong faith. A faith that I one day, in my own way, hope to have. More on that some other day.

A grain of Salt might be too much...

A moment of reflection with a picture of what I can see out my window...

this is for my opinion, my feelings, my rants and stuff ... that is all. It is mainly for those that care about me or are so teaming with curiosity that they find my inane ramblings intelligible are somehow enjoyable to read.
it should not be taken as FACT... and it should be taken with a grain much smaller than salt.

That being said... it is what it is... honest and mine and public out of my selfish choosing of ease, comfort, stinginess, and laziness to individually communicate with people. If you read it and it makes you angry, frustrated, bored, inspired, or like you wasted precious minutes of your life... let that be what it is... honest and yours.

Feel like sharing that with me? Fine... thank you. Feel like asking me to explain myself in more detail... also fine.. i might... i might not... and thank you... feel like dismissing me as a an asshole, or praising me as an example (though if its the second you should have your head checked) go ahead...

my ideas, my rants, this page are what they are... sometimes elated, sometimes insulting, sometimes self-defeating, sometimes angry, sometimes bored, sometimes boring...

i can't take this page too seriously... because less people read it than i see in a day. I know I have a counter...
you shouldn't take me too seriously... because those who know me will tell you that's more frustrating than its worth.

i represent myself, i represent JVI, i reperesent New york, LA and Medellin, Colombia, I represent Catholicism, I represent doubt, I represent racists, arrogance, and greed, as well as white people, hispanic people, selflessness, empassioned belief in being a man for others, liberalism, and acceptance, I represent Regis Graduates, Jesuit Schools, Pomona Graduates, Film Majors, Artists, Actors, Fat people, Brand name whores, punk wannabes, 22 year olds, teachers, Assumption high school, America... and many other things...
am I a "good" representative of any of those... most likely.. no...
am I conscious and trying to represent some of them better, some of them worse, and some of them not at all? Yes...
We'll see what happens.

I'll end with a simple truth.
The world is made much better by going to school with a mullet.

Culture cont...

Culture is an interesting thing. I think my personal beliefs on it are a bit different from most people's in that I do no thtink culture is sacred or should be preserved because of anything other than appreciation of beauty.
Its hard to explain, but basically, the only reason I think"culture" should be preserved is in memeory and in museums.

I think culture is alive... it grows, ti adapts, it changes, it does what it needs to do. It is not a solid thing that everyone agrees on. It just is what life is and we can try and put it in boxes, and we can try and say no it should not include McDonald's or change in anyway, but really everywhere in the world it always has and it always will. We can and should try and remember, and honor, traditions that are falling away... but we should not assume, in my humble opinion, that the direction a "culture" is moving is "bad"... that statement takes a serious amount of thought and a serious amount of consideration.

Does that mean I am not angered or devastated when things in other cultures die, or have died because of organizations that I may or may not be part of? No, I am. And that anger is mine to have. Does that mean that that should or should not have happened? I have no idea... what I do know is I am angered equally by the decimation of Ancient Egyptian culture by the influx of Islam, the destruction of Babylonian "culture" by the jews, the "moralization" undergone by many cultures by Christianity. Why do those anger me? Because I wish I could see them, I wish I could see the beauty they had to offer... Selfish and unrealistic in the end. I think it comes from a combination of my intense desire to see adn experience the whole world... and all of time... and from my lack of real identification with any culture, especially not the American one... which is only a fraction of who I am, where I've been, and where and how I was raised.

There is also "material culture," "artistic culture", social culture", so what am I or anyone else talking about when they say culture? Who the fuck knows and it needs to be clarified when you are having a conversation.

Anyway, to finish what I wanted to finish last week... all of which this was a prelude to...

The Marshallese in my opinion have not, and still do not have much of any "material culture"... the STUFF we can get excited about as adventure seeking and materially driven americans. Clothes... food... dances... architecture... etc... do they have some? yes... is it creative and awe inspiring? not to this young and immature buck...

This is of course coming from someone that longed for it in going back abroad. Coming from urban USA... I was trying to escape a world I already considered even more void of awe inspiring material culture than here...

The colors in colombia can make you feel high, the passionate love of ancestry in ecuador can make you feel a bit empty of your own, the architecture and sheer history of many parts of Europe can make you feel extrememly tiny, the landscapes and perpetually present animal kingdom or india and nepal can force you to see God in the world. ANd in all of these places, the food can tantilize you until your mind settles in your stomach.

Here, to me, that is not so. Here to me material culture is a scarce and slowly withering thing. Pictures of the Marshallese drum are everywhere yet there is no drum to be seen or heard. The smallest semblance of adventurous material culture I may have been genuinly selfishly pleasured by would be the material scarcity of this places' past, before missionaries came and both bettered and worstened this place, as they have greater bettered and greatly worstened many other places.

THAT all being said... some of the places with gerat material culture have an almost invisible smidgeon of spirit, or of hospitality, or of love, or passion, or joy. There are SOCIAL cultures that are self-hating, self-defeating, alienating, and in some cases even harsh, in some cases oddly paranoid. There are social cultures of discrimiantaion and of fear. One of my greatest concerns is that that is exactly where the USA is going... deeper into a culture of fear and discrimination that the fences sepertating it and Mexico can never get too expensive or too high...

A moment of silence for that sad and recent addition to the world...

The Marshallese do not have a perfect or fully unfrustrating social culture... but their hospitality, their spirit, and their capacity to love is beyond most I have experienced in my whole life. It is a culture of survival and of mutuality that is alaso slowly dying. Slowly being replaced with American values of productivity, materialism, and and self-preservation.

That to me is a real loss... the loss or lack of material culture is only sad to the part of me that wants to white water raft and learn how to dance in new and interesting ways covered in new and interesting clothes.

I am honestly, and deeply saddened by the slow loss of what many parts of the world could learn FROM the Marshallese...

humility, acceptance, reverence, patience, love, freedom, prioritization of relationships, community, communion, sharing, desire to suspend time with other people, the undefinably large appreciation for conversation, hospitality, demonstration of affection, and many many many other things that make up the undeniable spark in many, if not all, of the marshallese I have met so far.

if anyone is responsible for that loss its corprate america. the missionaries i find respectable and valuable, and in some ways hope the little i am doing here emulates are those that passionately see that spirit and aim to save it.

In terms of material culture the world is loosing little less than nudity from the marshallese...
In terms of social, spiritual, and all other subsections you could create of culture, the world is loosing some of its greatest and most empassioned souls...

a day of silence and prayer for the hope that the spirit of the marshallese, a spirit of survival and warmth may find strength in the face of materialism.
a day of silence in gratefulness to those who have given their lives to preserve it.
and a year of silence for the beauty the marshallese have to offer that may be too far gone to share with the world.

Manit Day

Manit means culture.

To be very very very honest... there isn't much of a culture to celebrate...and the little there is left of the little their used to be is... well... kind of boring.

Mostly they celebrate the cultures of every other island nation in teh pacific... the ones that have...well... physical culture...

the dances are dead... so now they are stolen
the food is bland...

BUT THANK GOD FOR GRASS SKIRTS AND COCONUT BRAWS. because i thought this was awsome!

the little cultural stuff they had might have/was probably destroyed by the missionaries. things were labeled "immoral" and the peopel were "civilized"....

but honestly... there was little physical culture to destroy here... so there is not much to mourn...

What I would really like to give a moment of silence to is the slowly disappearing cultural things that aren't visible right away, that aren't pretty and you can't put in your house. I would like a moment of silence of all teh many thigns teh marshallese have to offer the world that I think is being erroded by American individualism, a monetary notion of progress, and ...hmmm "gansta" music.

Bula.. bula... Fijian from Kubuna

Lucy was the geography teacher at AHS.

She gave her notice at the beginning fo the year that after two months she would be leaving Assumption.
So...
she is gone.

The confederacies of Fiji... like states almost... or sections with provinces in them...
they have a competition every year. they raise money and whoever gets the most by inpenedance day wins.
Lucy is a member of kunbuna and this night we went to the Oasis bar to help in the effort. They won... btw...

I also got smashed that night. smashed, wasted, tanked, drunk off my ass... it was a very necessary adn relaxing event.

Sisters make things better Pt. 3...

Sisters in habits are funny.

Though it looks pretty cool.

Sisters, wearing all black and swimming around, wiht their hair down, and not wanting to get out. That is even funnier.

Sr. Monica... Sr. Mon mon... hailing from Kirabas... a kirabati mermaid fo teh open ocean water pool at Outrigger, marshall Islands resort.

Swim for richard's birthday sister, swim, swim, swim and save the world.

Party=food, karaoke, and a pinch of Richard...

The world is a better place at Assumption thanks to Richard David, physics adn accounting teacher, fillipino master, father of two adorable children... Rafael and Joshua Michael.

His wife's name is Esmeralda, but they call her Esmi. She's about 4 feet tall, but a whirlwind all herself.

Richard, like most of the high school staff at Assumption will be leaving at the end fo the year. See... Assumption who raises its almost $1,000 tuition every year, and has just completed a 6 or 7 year long $1,000,000 building project, has not raised its teachers salary for a long long time. Richard makes 40 bucks a day. $4.50 an hour. His babysitter evryday costs 20.
hmmm.... on the other hand, everyone that works at the public schools gets paid lamost 3 times as much. He has two kids now. he can't afford to stick around ad majorum dei glorium.
he's not a volunteer. this is his life.

It sucks because all the people on this island don't really want to be here. They just want to go to America. That's all. Sometimes I wish they closed the island, shipped everyone to california, dropped them off and said here... figure it out. I think most people would. Would their lives be much better than here? no, but at least they wouldn't have this indefinate struggle for americanhood looming over them forever.

On the other hand, knowing the united states. Becuase he'd liek to be a nurse, but what are his chances in the states of that? Maybe everyone is really far far far far far better off here, where Richard can be a teacher, a good teacher, and not have to clean toilets, with his hands, in some dive bar while getting treated like an animal by self important white trash.

Life is life though. It has a course. Who knows what will happen.

I think I'm turning Japanese....

We have two J.O.C.V.'s at Assumption High School. Tsuyoshi and Asumi. It stands for Japanese O-word C-word Volunteers. They are pretty nice. I think Asumi's English is much better than Tsuyoshi's, apparently though last year when he got here it was even worse!

They are pretty cool. though I am told many a story of Rie, who was here last year before Asumi. She was supposedly a fun fun time. Tsuyoshi was a chemistry major and Asumi... I'm not sure I think Music. Tsuyoshi teaches math math math and chemistry. Asumi teaches music.
My goal is to use them to learn Japanese so Ian will take me to Japan. I will learn some Marshallese, enough to be accepted, understand people, and have basic conversation. but honestly the use of learning a language known to 30,000 people? int he whole world? other than cool factor it isn't much. ANd the little I will learn will satisfy cool factor.

So Japanese here I come.

Sisters make things better, Part Ruo/dos/dui/ni/two

The last installment for this section of life will be short and sweet.

Sr. Cecila.
She makes some of the greatest faces you'l ever see.
I rarely get to see her.
She teaches Home-ec at the HS.
Fading class.
She's never in the faculty room because she doesn't need to be and it is far from her shop.

I think I need to make a point of seeing her more.
In the end.
I could only make things better.
Right?

The Dungeon

The faculty lounge used ot be called the dungeon, because it was underground, under the church, dark, dirty, and well, mostly like a dungeon.

This new faculty room has a brand new airconditioner, we have kids on JUG clean it all the time, and everything in it is clean(ish) and new(ish).

No better name has come yet.

I pulled my first all nighter since college in this room last night. It is the end of the quarter and I had tests to write, things to grade, review packages to make, and so on. I even made a Jeopardy board out of colored paper for a review game.

My desk.
The one in front with the two posters on it, rolled up.
A messy hell.
A comfortable little home near home.
I'm very grateful for my little space.
Greg sits next to me.
I'm grateful for that too, but don't tell him. His head is big enough. Literally. He kind of looks like a bobblehead sometimes.

Thugging it out

Cody and Aubrey are cousins.

Whn people are not related, that day I might be surprised or amused.

The two trouble makers in the middle are Mike Momotaro and Rodney from Chuuk. I don't teach them yet. I will next year when they're seniors... and oo do I smell some stuff coming my way. They're great kids... but troublemakers all the same... and they remind me a little of me... hence the trouble

Cody is one of the smartest kids in the school, if not THE smartest kid in the school. Aubrey's relied on his cousin too long... and so he's trailed behind. They're good kids though. I don't think I've met the one I think is not worth my time or effort when it comes to the older kids. I am so invested in them, it sucks... really, i put them in front of me to much.
I love it though.
It's nice to think that maybe they'll listen one out fo the 300 days of the year and get, learn think of something that will help them in life.
It's also fun to push them harder than they say they want to be.
It makes me very grateful to many in my life.

Hilarity always follows Danity

Danity and Rosemary.

I can't help but really like these girls. Even though Rosemary always seems liek she's bored out of her mind and doesn't give a rats ass... she manages to charm you right back in.

Danity has a lust for life and seeing the world that is so rare here with these kids. Wanting to learn? Wanting to go see the world, not just make money and live in air conditioning with your ipods adn cell phones? Never...
If I hope anyone makes it out of here in one piece and gets what she wants, I think my vote goes to Danity. Listening God?

I heard the making the bad girls are called danity something... that's kinda funny... unless its not true.
then I just look retarded.
Used to that though.

Some of the girls

We were totally jipped out of lunch at USP Open Day, we thought it was free and good and it was small and charged... I ate some green papaya covered in vinager and fod coloring adn gosh darned I like it.

We have Yolani on the left, a self declared loud mouth, truth there and proud of it. She's a good kid to have in class. A little firecracker all her own. She reminds me of bits and pieces of people. Paired with Yoshiko Yamaguchi on the right, and you have an all star team of loud, teenage fun. The middle two, Melissa and Florina, are much quieter... though I don't think that means much. These four can take the town and turn it upside down. They can do the same to my classroom. Yet, they are a good group of kids, and I'm working my butt off to get them somewhere.

USP Open Day

Here are some of my "kids" watching a presentation on sound at University of the South Pacific project here on island.

Some of my favorite parts of this picture:
They look interested, but are just happy to not be in school. You really have to ride theri asses hard to get them to care about stuff and to do the work that needs to get done to get into college.
Were we that bad?

And... mostly... notice Aubrey with the towel around his neck. This is a stapled trend of the RMI boys. we sweat a lot, we might break out and play basketball at any minute without warning, so let us make sure to keep this handy towel permanantly around our neck or covering our head... if we get bored, we can chew on it.
It may sound like i think it's a silly idea, but mostly I just want to do it myself.
I would chew on that towel like there was no tomorow.